One of the effects of having to be pretty self-reliant as a child, is that you learn to stop asking for help and just do everything yourself.
It’s easier, or so we think. The term used to describe it atm is parentification.
Instead of relying on others, feeling safe and being able to ask for guidance or help, we learn to just learn it ourselves. We become our own parent.
This, I think is one of the reasons I can do so much today and have absorbed so much knowledge. We build ourselves up into a self-reliant fortress.
One of the trade-offs is, trust becomes difficult and reliance on others becomes something to be avoided. Over giving to others can also be one of the ways of approval seeking that fills some of the gap of absent love. And as we become parents ourselves, we might be over protective of our children to compensate for our own childhood.
After doing the inner work for so many years now, I don’t seek the approval of others anymore. But I’ll give freely, I give what energy I can afford to bring positive change to others.
Eventually we learn that asking for help is a strength. And I love learning from other people when I’m present and aware enough to ask for guidance.
Physical closeness, gestures of affection and just spending time being present are great ways to rebuild our relationships.
Some may offer the advice, “you need to unlearn all of that childhood pain”. Maybe. I prefer to think of it as a process of relearning and healing.
If you have drowned yourself in knowledge and gotten jacked with skills, this may resonate with you in some way. Those behaviours may have been coping mechanisms for survival.
One by one, putting some things down and letting them go, reducing our knowledge intake and just relearning to breathe and focus on one thing at a time, brings peace and the ability to accept help and love again 🕊️✨
